girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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