This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
