I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
