he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
