I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
