i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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