Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
