so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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