Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
