i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
