I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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