mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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