i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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