very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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