so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
