also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
