i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
