i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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