did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
