I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
