Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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