One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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