I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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