I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
