I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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