don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
