The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
