Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
