i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
