There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
