Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
