Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
