I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
