just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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