Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
