I feel great
I just peed on a car
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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