Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
how drunk are you?
Several
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
