i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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