Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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