No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
