We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
