HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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