1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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