You're my little dorito
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
