how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
