Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
