don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize