I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
barbara walters just said penis...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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