Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
