i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
