Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
