we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
