there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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