Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
