Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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