she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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