she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
