Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
