I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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