put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
