At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
