chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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