I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want her autograph on my taint
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
