I just threw up on my dentist
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
