your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
