Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
