just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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