There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
