You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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