I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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