who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You pole danced in your parka.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
