i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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