You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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